Sumnerd Writes

The Little Words

2011-11-05T13:53:00.019-05:00

I've made a very fine discovery.In casual situations, I frequently use the words um, like, uh, and ah, despite being taught that these words are bad. (Hey, I'm a linguist. You'd have a hard time convincing me that "bad" is not an arbitrary label for words.)Now what I've discovered is that I use each of these words in a fairly regular way. I think this is kind of awesome.Want some details?I use

Uncovering the Squeaky Wheel

2011-01-09T19:15:00.005-06:00

How to tell if your little wheeled suitcase is concealing a squeaky wheel from you (and how to make said suitcase reveal its true colours):1. Request a whack of books from the library. Recommended count of "whack": 22.2. Take empty suitcase to library.3. Check out all requested books and load them into the suitcase.4. Wheel suitcase to nearest bus stop. Preferably in winter.5. Smile! Your

Sam Katz's New Tactic

2010-10-18T14:10:00.007-05:00

Guy knocked on the door last week and I was home to answer."Hi, I'm with the Fire Department here in support of Sam Katz. Do you know if you'll be voting for Sam Katz in the election on October 27th?""I'm a Permanent Resident. I can't vote.""Would you like a sign for your yard?""No."Sam Katz: boldly reaching out to the often overlooked I-can't-fricking-vote demographic.

Did Something New

2009-06-01T17:32:00.002-05:00

Got jiggy at a Halloween funeral.

2008-11-09T12:19:00.006-06:00

It wasn’t so much of the gettin’ jiggy, really, as a neurological [issue] day. I managed fine, though all the shakiness made my legs extremely sore when the jiggy settled down. So ibuprofen happened and then sleep and then a long car drive. And another, longer, car drive after that. (Hopefully the ibuprofen will continue to relieve post-jiggy soreness like it did at the time.) And then I

An Infamous Army, An Infamous Disappointment

2008-09-02T20:17:00.007-05:00

I like fiction. I like history. I like historical fiction.I do not like An Infamous Army by Georgette Heyer. When discovering this book on Mini Book Expo, I was intrigued. Historical fiction fascinates me. It's educational but usually brings a personal light to things, and that subjective view reveals nuances, ambiguities, emotions that simply aren't often found in a purely historical tome.

Update?

2007-11-05T15:30:00.001-06:00

MRI: normal.Walking: happening.Ambulance bill: ouch.Anterograde amnesia: fading.Sunlight: still painful.Hypersensitivity: less Parkonsonian.Sleep medications: NONE.

Flavourful

2007-10-29T23:27:00.001-05:00

Bedtimes. They has a flavour.

2007-10-29T22:04:00.001-05:00

This day. It has a flavour.

2007-10-29T21:48:00.001-05:00

My pants. They has a flavour.

2007-10-29T21:36:00.001-05:00

My rouladen... they has a flavour.

2007-10-29T19:37:00.001-05:00

These lamps. They has a flavour.

2007-10-29T18:35:00.002-05:00

This scent... it has a flavour.

2007-10-29T15:32:00.002-05:00

My fancy pens. They has a flavour.

2007-10-29T14:59:00.001-05:00

My puppy. She has a flavour.

2007-10-29T13:08:00.002-05:00

This computerz has a flavour.

flavour

2007-10-29T12:51:00.001-05:00

My meds. They has a flavour.

Reviews

2007-08-17T23:59:00.002-05:00

1. Mouserugs. They're fancy little rugs with purty designs. I'm partial to the Oriental designs, myself, but there are many to choose from. They have a texture that is very strokeable. Really. Plus, they're easy to clean. And they have grippy bottoms. And they are mousepads. Even better, they're slightly narrower than your average mousepad, which means they fit easier on small keyboard

Now I can do things like this...

2007-07-26T15:27:00.001-05:00

If, You

2007-07-25T01:58:00.004-05:00

When the doctor tells you that you might not be able to walk in a year, that you might lose speech ability within two years, that in six months you might not be able to use your hands, you will say, "No." You may scream it. You may say it as a side effect of confusion. You may be determined to survive It. But that's not denial. You say "no" because you have a passion to live, or at least a

Frantic Immediate Emergency Situation

2007-07-23T02:02:00.002-05:00

I seem to have run out of Post-It notes, and I don't know what to do! It is two in the morning, and Staples is closed. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to survive. I don't know what to do. Why is there no 24-hour emergency Post-It delivery service? I don't know what to do.

Where's my froggie?

2007-07-21T00:10:00.001-05:00

Awesome.

Birthing Day Spam

2007-07-20T01:30:00.004-05:00

The best subject line for email I got on my birthday was "anti growing old supplement". That was pretty awesome. Even better than the asthma attacks I've been getting.I found out this week that my 10-year high school reunion is being planned. I'm amused and disgusted. It's an opportunity to get together with a bunch of people I never liked to watch them drink and dance. Knowing me, I'd sneak

Ear-lye in the morrrnins

2007-07-05T01:53:00.001-05:00

When you type "think night" instead of "good night" in an IM, you need sleep. When you try to say "Izzy whiskers" and say "isky whizzers" despite repeated efforts to correct yourself, you need sleep.

"Will our children know a world with tigers?" - I hope not, because that means I'd have to have kids.

2007-07-04T19:19:00.001-05:00

The highlight of this past little while has not been learning that my gums are messed up due to no fault of my own, that I get to have braces again, that I get to have surgery to remove bone from my hip and then surgery to implant it in my gum. Oh, and the wisdom teeth get to come out, but that's not a major major surprise. No, the highlight came a few days ago when I heard that Canada is

Wham Bam Slam

2007-06-27T14:54:00.002-05:00

I was hit by a car today. No injuries.I was crossing a street with the flow of traffic, had the right of way and all that, when a car at the road I was crossing suddenly decided it needed to pull into traffic. I stopped it with my legs. Had I not been there to stop the car, it would have been schmucked—at least the front end—by all the traffic moving in the same direction that I was. I don't

Lunapads

2007-06-24T13:26:00.001-05:00

I'm about to talk about bleeding, folks. Chick bleeding. And it's going to rock.So last year, I picked up some organic Lunapads. For those of you not in the know, Lunapads are reusable menstrual pads. Are you done saying "ew" and "yech" yet? Yeah, get over it. If you can handle throwing your own dirty underwear into a washing machine, you can handle Lunapads. They were a little pricey,

This is the house that Kristin built.

2007-06-07T02:35:00.001-05:00

humble jimble jomble fruitmake a point and make it mootcandy kittens line the wayburrs and spurs on clogging day

To The Cat

2007-06-06T19:32:00.002-05:00

Cat of cats, Domino, was put to sleep on Friday, May 11th, 2007. He was my first pet.My parents are having him cremated and are trying to figure out what to do with him after that. My dad, who was never a cat person but became a little attached to Doms, even suggested putting him in a wine bottle on the living room mantel. The same wine bottle, in fact, that my mostly non-drinking parents

I wrote a poem just for you

2007-06-06T02:56:00.001-05:00

spleen spleen spleen spleenI have twelve and they are greensometimes I feed 'em to my catshe gobbles 'em up and gets real fat

Kiss Machine

2007-04-05T17:43:00.002-05:00

Y'all should check out the latest issue of Kiss Machine. Not just because it's a fun little zine, but because I am in it. W00t and such. My submission is mentioned on the cover. Which is it? Why, the "Paint Your Own Penis Art", of course. I was awesome enough to be included in the issue's general description, as well. Take that. I feel special and there's nothing you can do about that.Of

Job Interview

2007-03-22T00:18:00.001-05:00

So I had a big time job interview on Tuesday. The very first question went something like this:Explain Canada's immigration policies, the Manitoba Provincial Nominee Program, and the influence of immigration on Canada's labour market.Dude, I can so do that.You have five minutes.:O:O:OYeah, um, I could talk about such things for hours, but to sum everything up in five minutes? I tried. I tried.

Some Favourite Words

2007-03-22T00:08:00.001-05:00

In no particular order:defenestration/autodefenestratophobiagastrocnemiusdendrochronology/dendritesI am a major fan of dendrites. Both the word and what it represents. Figurative and literal. Though usually when I talk of dendrites, I talk about the neuron kind, and how long and awesome my dendrites are.

Fetile

2007-03-18T01:10:00.001-05:00

So this dude? My sister? She's having a baby. In October.

The Occasion

2007-03-12T21:55:00.003-05:00

Mark the time, the date, the place. I have just plucked out my first grey hair.It was actually better than grey: it was a light silver, a healthy hair that I noticed only because it stuck straight out from my head and, oh yes, it was shimmering. It was probably my healthiest hair, but I removed it. I wasn't quite ready for it. It was too strong for me. It was bright and bold and daring and

What I Did Today

2007-02-23T16:41:00.001-06:00

Even worse than blog entries about pets or superb epiphanies are the entries that fall into the category "What I Did Today." Without further ado, what I did today:dropped off job applicationsrefilled prescriptionsbought a bus passate foodwaited 25 minutes for a buswent to the bankwent to the grocery storepicked up a bunch of money orders and IRCs to enter writing contestsbought a pile of

News of Various Sorts

2007-02-19T18:50:00.002-06:00

My hometown has the distinction of being the location of the first Ku Klux Klan TV station. I was disgusted when I first heard this news and I'm disgusted still.But Kristin, aren't you proud of being white?Proud? It's not some great achievement. It just happened. I didn't try to join the White Club. Really, I couldn't care less. So I'm white. That's all. It's nothing to be proud of or not

Ossicones: the correct term for a giraffe's nubblies

2007-02-04T22:37:00.001-06:00

I'm reading a book called Imperial Life in the Emerald City: Inside Iraq's Green Zone by Rajiv Chandrasekaran. Actually, I've finished the book except for the acknowledgments and the notes. Yes, I will read those. I always do. Anyway, I thought I would share some info from the book.Defense Department auditors had begun to question the CPA's [Coalition Provisional Authority's] spending spree

Magazine Conference

2007-02-02T23:59:00.001-06:00

Ever since my interview with Andris Taskans of Prairie Fire, I've been receiving notices of cool literary and arts events around the city and province and even across Canada. It's been exciting to find out about new opportunities, especially some that I will test out and participate in. In March, for example, there's the Magazines Mean Business conference put on by the Manitoba Magazine

Movin' On Out

2007-01-31T02:17:00.001-06:00

The people across the hall from me moved out tonight. I am secretly thrilled about this. Or maybe not so secretly. I gleefully held the door open for them while they hauled boxes to their badly parked SUV. They were decent people, but their pot smoking really bothered me. Maybe they just didn't inhale it properly. Maybe it was just cheap pot. Whatever the case, I would get ill every

Squidoo.com

2007-01-30T03:00:00.001-06:00

So there's this site I discovered called Squidoo.com. It's glorious and addictive. I'm not sure why I got addicted to it. Friendster never really interested me. MySpace is something I will never get involved with. But Squidoo? It's like MySpace for cool kids. For nerds. For people who have something to say. Sort of. It's not a blogging system. It's got ads. It can make you money or

I Did It

2007-01-21T22:53:00.001-06:00

There it is. That's me. I did it. I was there. I stood up. I read. There I am. Reading. I took part. I open mic'd.So. Thursday, January 18th, was the Manitoba Writers' Guild's Out Loud Open Mic. It's a fairly standard set up: A featured author reads for 20 or so minutes, and then there's the open mic portion where people have five minutes to read their work. Any genre.Since the Guild

Unloved, iUnloved

2007-01-14T16:43:00.001-06:00

For those of you interested or curious or bored, my literary e-journal has launched. You can find it here, or click on the Unloved Mail-Order Bride link to the left. In the future, I plan to release the issue not just in visual/text form but also in audio format. I'll either have authors record their own works or I'll do them myself. The files will be downloadable in a sort of podcast or

One in 12 Informational Interviews Leads to a Job

2007-01-11T23:13:00.001-06:00

Next week, I have an informational interview with the editor of Prairie Fire, my most favourite literary journal. Will it be possible for me to be professional? This is my favourite magazine. How can I not gush? How can I focus? How can I keep my head on without saying "I love you. I love you. Prairie Fire is omg the best"? Any tips would be appreciated. Because this is an informational

Riddle Time

2007-01-10T16:49:00.001-06:00

She's mostly black. Her name is Miriam. Today I bought cleaning brushes, oil, grease, a mute, and a book to help me learn about her. She also has a safe home so that she does not get hurt. Question: does she have anything to do with the picture I'm including in this post?Unrelated: The bookstore at the U of M has a draw at the beginning of each term. Fill out the form, drop it off in the

Barbie Doll

2006-12-29T18:51:00.001-06:00

A friend and I went Christmas shopping for his nieces, and in the aisle of things pink and horrid, we made a discovery. There is a series known as the "Festivals of the World" Barbies. On the shelf, however, was a Barbie representing only one festival of the world. And I think perhaps she should not have been in the children's section.See, this Barbie was Oktoberfest Barbie. I kid you not.

Rich Man

2006-12-23T20:48:00.001-06:00

A friend of my parents had two daughters. One was diligent and one was a slacker. The slacker talked to her school's guidance counselor.Counselor: You really need to improve your grades. With what you've got now, you won't get far. What do you plan on doing with your life? How will you make a living?Slacker: I'll marry a rich man and shop every day.When I heard this story, I was amazed.

Team Leaders!

2006-12-23T02:48:00.001-06:00

Many years ago, I was talking to someone (online) who worked at AOL and he mentioned that he was a Team Leader. I snickered. It's such propaganda, this title of Team Leader. We all work together! Honest! And you guide us, O Leader! We're a team! It made me laugh the first time I heard it, but my laughter was met with confusion. But but but... that's my job title! Why are you laughing at

I like arts

2006-12-22T17:50:00.001-06:00

I went to a movie recently in an artsy little theatre in an artsy little building. The movie was American Hardcore, and it was thoroughly awesome. Yet that wasn't the highlight of the outing. The highlight of the outing—and the highlight of the week—was discovering that the artsy little building was one I had heard about. In fact, I had wanted to go to the artsy little building for a while,

Rasputin's Eyes

2006-12-18T02:04:00.001-06:00

Some good news for me. And really, isn't good news for me actually good news for the world? < / StephenColbert >Anyway, I found out on Sunday (that's a few hours ago, folks) that one of my poems is a finalist in MARGIE/The American Journal of Poetry's Editor's Prize Contest. It will be published in Volume 6 of MARGIE, due out in fall of 2007. I feel a bit... curious. The poem selected is one

omg totally girlie

2006-12-13T02:22:00.001-06:00

So I used to buy shampoo/soap/facewash/et cetera from Yves Rocher. I liked the products. I liked the free gifts. I even liked the little perfume samples that I would open just to smell but never wear. And then, early this summer, I received a flowery notice from Yves Rocher saying that they were partnering up with UPS for all further deliveries. GAH. I e-mailed them to ask if I could

Controversial Nontroversial

2006-11-26T01:37:00.001-06:00

So the movement to impeach Bush has come to a halt? All right then, let's try him for crimes against humanity. That's what an unjust war really is, right? Innocent people are being attacked for no reason. And if people argue that we're at war, man, it's not a crime—well, it is a crime, folks. Labelling something a war does not mean you can get away with anything at all. There are rules.

Things My Dog Is Afraid Of

2006-11-21T02:59:00.001-06:00

1. The Super Soaker2. Plastic bags carried by wind across our walking path3. Dogs bigger than mice4. People wearing hats and hoods5. Snowmen6. Anyone who is not a paleface (this one is embarrassing)7. People who are scared of dogs

Nope. No plans.

2006-11-20T23:47:00.001-06:00

It's been nearly a month since my last post. And you see it's also November, which means... it is the month in which I quit NaNoWriMo! Sort of. I'm not making a conscious decision to quit, but I'm making a rather conscious decision to put it on the back burner of a very large stove. (Seriously, dudes. It's a huge stove.) I just have too much to get done. Yes, there are people who can go to

CBT

2006-10-23T22:31:00.001-05:00

This is a Controversial Post.Many people have been helped by cognitive behavioural therapy. I'm not disputing that. From mental illness to anger issues, CBT is popular because it gets results. Quicker than other methods. And society is all about a quick fix. But CBT also has support because it teaches coping mechanisms and techniques for dealing with things on an everyday basis. It provides

That wind out there? It sure is winding!

2006-10-13T01:12:00.001-05:00

The worst part of the LLETZ procedure is not the burning flesh smell. The worst part is what comes afterwards, so don't deny it. You know what it is. Doesn't everyone? Yes, it's the flakes of smelly ash that work their way out of your body. Flakes. Black. Ash. Yeah, those are pretty unnecessary. And did I mention smelly? Let me also mention the smelly. Now, there's the smelly that

Loss and Gain

2006-10-05T23:21:00.001-05:00

There must be loss with any surgery, even with something as small as fixing an ingrown toenail and cleaning the nailbed. Some of it may simply have to do with losing inhibitions while the anesthetic kicks in. Some of it is a greater loss, even if the surgery is minor. Part of this loss comes from the surroundings; places of medical practice are confusing, with a great deal happening at once.

Punk Mandolin Equals Awesome Mandolin

2006-09-26T10:16:00.001-05:00

In short, the Dropkick Murphys are my new favourite band.In long[er]:Exactly one week ago I received a letter in the mail from Queens University of Charlotte. Queens is one of the places I applied to for the MFA program, so I was getting all excited about opening the envelope. The size of the envelope really should have been a clue. Inside was merely a letter stating that my application had

Don't Light A Bull's Horns On Fire (and other tips for university students)

2006-09-21T14:09:00.001-05:00

1. Know how to write cheques.2. Know how to use bank/credit cards.3. Know your interests.4. Know school requirements and graduation requirements—be your own advisor.5. Go to class regularly.6. Turn off your cellphone.7. Know bus etiquette.8. Learn early on how to use the libraries.9. Show up for class on time. (Note: emergencies happen, and previous arrangements with professors are good.)10.

When it rains... When it shines?

2006-09-15T09:30:00.001-05:00

So I made another shortlist. This time it's Arc Poetry Magazine's 11th annual Poem of the Year Contest. But I didn't just make the shortlist; I actually made the editor's choice category. Or is it the editors' choice? I've seen it written both ways for this contest. Either way, I made it into the top 50 poems of over 1100, and that's the best I've done to date. It makes me feel rather

Has the streak ended?

2006-09-12T23:51:00.001-05:00

I can't say for sure, but my shortlisting streak may have ended. At the very least, it has been interrupted... because my "poem(s) was selected by [the] judge for publication in The River: The Natchez Poetry Anthology." Yes! I will be published! In something that might be respectable! Of course, technically I am still just in one of the shortlisting categories (The Gold Collection or The

Hello, My Story Is...

2006-09-05T17:27:00.001-05:00

I have a new obsession, I think. If doing something three times can be an obsession.My new obsession can be found at the Winnipeg International Writers Festival website. Just go to the website, and find the "Hello, My Story Is..." link. And click that. And create the title of your autobiography. And maybe enter a brief description of your biography, perhaps explaining the title.I have

News, Naturally

2006-09-02T17:31:00.001-05:00

I have decided which MFA program I want to attend. Of course, I still have to be accepted there, so I won't mention yet which program it is.I am the queen of shortlists. Not because everything I write gets shortlisted, but because I never make it further than shortlists. However, three shortlists is good enough for me. There's the one I don't like to mention, there's the International 3-Day

Peterhof

2006-08-26T14:50:00.002-05:00

One of the ideas behind Summer Literary Seminars is taking people out of their comfort zones and tossing them into complete unfamiliarity. This is supposed to do a number of things. First, people turn to something familiar and not only take comfort in it but also immerse themselves in it fully. (This was writing and/or drinking in St. Petersburg.) Second, the experience is fodder for later

Adobe. Adobe. Anerd.

2006-08-25T01:41:00.001-05:00

If you happen to be a student, I recommend getting your hands on Adobe Creative Suite 2 (Premium). If you don't happen to be a student, find a way to get this software for less than retail price. The best part of my day was not (finally) mailing off my MFA applications and portfolios, nor completing FAFSA forms online with the easy-to-use website offered by the government, nor discovering that

Night Terrors

2006-08-17T22:41:00.001-05:00

Dark out, as it tends to be when I walk my dog at night. She's almost finished. We are about set to come back in. I tell her "Go potty" like the training books say, and she's looking around for one last place to pee before we head inside. She doesn't see him crossing the parking lot, coming towards us. He has a bag slung over his shoulder. He comes up quietly, is 10 feet away or less when

Conclusion

2006-08-17T18:03:00.001-05:00

I have come to a conclusion. Or rather, I am forcing myself to make this decision and stick with it: I am not entering the 3-Day Novel Contest this year. I am too old for it, mentally and physically. Even though I finished last year with six hours to spare and managed to make the shortlist, I don't feel like going through the Week After. That week is filled with lengthy hours typing (because I

Stealing Credit

2006-08-16T22:57:00.001-05:00

Welcome to a blog that is me me me. (That is redundant x5, for those of you keeping score. And for those same folks of you keeping track, my blog ego rating will be roughly between 31 and 78.) The first thing I am going to do here is brag. Did I have something extraordinary published recently? No. Did I write a beautiful song? No. (But I have ideas for one, and that counts for... something