1. Request a whack of books from the library. Recommended count of "whack": 22.
2. Take empty suitcase to library.
3. Check out all requested books and load them into the suitcase.
4. Wheel suitcase to nearest bus stop. Preferably in winter.
5. Smile! Your suitcase has confessed its true nature. (Or, alternatively, weep: you don't have a squeaky wheel. Your life means nothing.)
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