1. Mouserugs. They're fancy little rugs with purty designs. I'm partial to the Oriental designs, myself, but there are many to choose from. They have a texture that is very strokeable. Really. Plus, they're easy to clean. And they have grippy bottoms. And they are mousepads. Even better, they're slightly narrower than your average mousepad, which means they fit easier on small keyboard trays. Durable and beautiful with a smooth surface for excellent mousegliding action. Rating: 10/10 optical mice.
2. Schick Quattro for Women. If you gots to shave, this is sharp and soft at the same time. Don't go disposable. Easy-to-change blades. Conditioning strips. Seemingly unable to nick skin. Yet I keep knocking the blade piece off. It's like a safety release: if you try too hard, it resists. Rating: 9/10 gastrocnemii.
3. Short hair. Showering becomes quick and fun! Hair dries in two shakes of a lamb tail! Hair looks like a lamb's tail! New styles every day! Downsides: Real spiking glue is hard to find. Hair grows, so short hair must be cut to be maintained. Rating: 9/10 fuzzy lamb's tails.
4. Breathing. Also fun! I recommend the blue inhaler, the purple inhaler with the counter, an air purifier, and allergy medication in order to maximize your full breathing potential. If you don't breathe, you're missing out. Rating: 10/10 Izzy mrehs.
5. Driving. Real ultimate power! A safe, natural high. Warning: can be extremely dangerous, as even stupid people are allowed to drive, and everyone—the smarts and the stupids alike—can quickly become intoxicated on driving. Remember hubris. Rating: 8/10 steering wheels.
6. Health care professionals who care. Example: A physiotherapist is concerned about her patient's lack of progress on a Monday. Concerned enough to immediately call said patient's doctor, who then calls the patient to make an appointment for the next day, Tuesday. On Tuesday, doctor is likewise concerned enough to contact neurologist, and said neurologist arranges an appointment to see the patient the next day, Wednesday. That's quick! Rating: 9/10 stethoscopes.
7. Mysterious symptoms. I can walk today, but I couldn't yesterday? My pupils are the size of softballs? I can't type at three in the afternoon? Huh? Rating: 1/10 dilated pupils, only because the situation is intriguing.
8. Anbesol and orthodontic wax. You are my best friends. I don't mind special-ordering you when every store in the city has run out. You will save me. Rating: 12/10 numbed lips. A winner is you!
