Wham Bam Slam

I was hit by a car today. No injuries.

I was crossing a street with the flow of traffic, had the right of way and all that, when a car at the road I was crossing suddenly decided it needed to pull into traffic. I stopped it with my legs. Had I not been there to stop the car, it would have been schmucked—at least the front end—by all the traffic moving in the same direction that I was. I don't know what the car was thinking. Most people know not to pull too far up at a stop sign. Most people understand that cars on the main road with the right of way can be dangerous. You just don't pull into traffic without looking, do you?

Anyway, the car bumped me and I instinctively put my hands on the hood. There's nothing logical about that; it's not like my hands can stop a car. Instincts are strange that way. However, it did help me brace myself when my legs buckled. Thankfully, I merely buckled at the knees and walked on my way. Driver rolled down her window. Asked if I was okay. Said sorry. I said I was fine, all was good. I walked on.

I was wearing a military-style jacket at the time. When I slammed my hand on the car's hood (not intentionally; just groping to stay afoot and whatnot) I think that my coat's big buttons likely scratched the car. I didn't think to stop and look. But things like that happen quickly. There are basic emotions. Fear. Pain. Urgency. Maybe some fight or flight business. But mostly it's just a "Whoah. Whoah." kind of thing. So basic. So primitive. A different state of mind. Not really a state of mind at all, because it's only the brain stem thinking. Survive. Deal. That's what it says. Trauma involves dealing with emotions after the fact. Things the basic brain doesn't let us think in emergencies, because if we had too much reason we'd kill ourselves with it. First we live, then we deal. And live again. But how to deal with a situation when it has passed? How to reconcile feelings with the non-current event? Unknown.